Brewing
i’m not one to mince words this coffee mug is my favorite. i do, however, loathe finding words to be unsuitable for the situation. brewing, i just discovered is meant to only describe negative situations.
The first word I commonly misused was “peruse”. Do you use it to describe glancing at a book’s contents or the Travel section in a bookstore? Peruse is defined as reading something “in a thorough or careful way”. I was pleased with myself when I started a night pot of coffee, snapping a photo, to title this blog post. I trotted down the stairs to look up the definition and deflation….. Brewing more closely relates to “stewing”. There was no negativity in my mulling today, I was however percolating. (-be or become full of lively activity or excitement-)
It happened today. Someone I don’t know (or doesn’t know someone I know) ordered two prints off my Etsy shop. I have not yet figured out all of the “SEO” and tagging I should do to promote myself on Etsy, so, I’m only relying on Instagram, FB, and the occasional share of a friend. I had taken photographs of Finlea last night to advertise my 4th of July mini photo sessions. I’m working on new creations for the Etsy shop. I figured out how to really use my Gelli plate for collage bits to begin abstracts. I finished a book I was reading. Jonas and Finlea followed a schedule on Monday, allowing me to work, that wasn’t hours of screen time. This is when it happens, this is how I am, I retreat. The joy of possibilities becomes too much and I sit. It’s always right before a sudden burst, it’s my process.
This can sometimes feel like a depressive state. For someone like myself that has been in the blackest night of hopelessness, it can feel terrifying, a regression. I identified what was happening today. I recognized myself in a caterpillar.
This year, Penny, one of the owners of the resort in MN shared a craft and science time with kids about Monarchs and Milkweed. The discussions we’ve had about Monarchs have been endless extinction percentages, caterpillar poop, where to find milkweed, do they really lose their faces, and Finlea’s favorite, “Why do they have to change into butterflies?”. We brought two caterpillars home to take care of and seeds to plant milkweed for future Monarchs.
I sat and watched the caterpillars today after I’d moved them into the butterfly “cage” that arrived from Amazon Prime Day. I couldn’t stop, entranced by the way they moved about the leaves and sticks. They are preparing for their next stage of life. Finlea absolutely loves them, but when she sees one emerge from its Chrysalis I know she’ll forget all about the caterpillar that once existed. The kids were running around with the neighbor kids and I was watching and videoing caterpillars.
How often do we need to feel productive? The rest, the gathering of one’s thoughts, the cocooning within is as imperative as the creation itself. I recognized this today. I allowed myself grace at the moment to be still. It might be uncertain the outcome, but I’m not “brewing” in a worried mess of hopelessness and needless busywork. What dreams may come are yet to be seen, but I’m betting on myself to emerge; a butterfly.
